It's About Time
Today is a joyous day. After 500 days of uncertainty, the Israeli Government, my government, was formed. Some people here were very angry that it took this long. They were upset with the fact that tens of millions of shekels were spent. I do not share this anger. My father always told me," nothing good comes easy". Clearly the reason it took so long to form a government is because now we have the best , most awesome government that this country has ever had.
Firstly, lets understand what broke the stalemate. Some people think that Bibi ran circles around Gantz. They think that he will never share power when the time comes. The people who think that are just complainers. It was the selfless and honorable character of Benny Gantz, who was willing to break every promise that he made to his supporters, that caused this most amazing government to come into being. Since the scourge of Corona was upon us, Gantz felt that he should put all his dignity and honor aside for the sake of the country.
This is the definition of sacrifice.
Some of you may be wondering what makes this government so exceptional. I am not sure how many of you saw the movie Spinal Tap, but there is a scene where the lead singer shows his collection of amplifiers to the people making the documentary. He saves his special one for last. What can possibly be so special about an amp? Well this one went to 11. All other amps just go 10, but this one went one more, to 11.
The narrator then asks what the difference is, since the amp only has a certain amount of power and therefore 10 or 11 would still be the same amount as far as output. The singer looks at him with contempt and says 'no, this is better, it goes to 11'.
Ladies and gentlemen our new government, on a scale of 1 -10 is an 11.
This government has more ministerial positions than any proceeding government in the State of Israel and I for one am happy. Now we will finally have movement on all those longstanding forgotten issues. Someone will now do something about them.
For example, we now have a Minister of Higher Education and Water Resources. Until now we had a Minister of Education and a separate one for the environment.
How dumb is that?
Why would you need two? Doesn't it make much more sense this way. The connection between the two is obvious isn't it?
But you know when you think about it, how can one person do both jobs. It is just too much. Lucky for us our brilliant leaders have a solution. In order to solve this problem they decided to keep the ministers of education and of the environment. Now the education minister will not have to worry about higher education anymore and he will be able to just concentrate on lower education. The environment minster can focus on the environment which everyone knows has nothing to do with water anyway.
There is also the Minster of Minorities. This position hasn't been filled because they are looking for a minority to fill it. This has confused potential candidates as no one is really sure what is meant by minority. The Hardeim are a minority. Does it mean them? The peace camp is now a minority. Are they now going to have some representation?
Can you see why there is so much confusion?
The problem is that they did not name the ministry correctly. What they meant to say was the Ministry of the Goyim. I guess that wasn't politically correct.
One of my favorite new ministries is the Minister Responsible for Liaison between the Knesset and the Government. Up until know I always thought that the government in Israel is called The Knesset.
Stupid me.
It took me a while to figure it out but what I think it means is this person will pass information between the 40 some odd people who are ministers or deputies in the new government to the other 30 who are in the coalition, who clearly don't have the right friends. This is important. In today’s day and age we do not want people to feel like they are being left out.
There are several other very needed newly created ministries that I will not go into detail on. Just be assured, they are critical.
I am upset about the ministries that they forgot about.
Firstly, the Ministry of Broken Dreams and Promises. Gantz would have been good at this one and since Bibi headed 4 ministries in the last government, it would not have been a problem for him to do this also.
There should have been a Ministry of Silly Walks. I didn't invent this but I did see it on Monty Python when I was a kid and I always thought it would be a good idea. I think this would have lightened the mood in a country that is always on edge. If you don't get the reference, watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCLp7zodUiI
Lastly the Ministry of Ministries. It is obvious that we now need someone to sort out all these jobs.
I just want to end by saying sorry to my few Haredi friends who have unsubscribed to this blog. I guess I went over the line with something, so if I offended anyone, I am sorry. Unfortunately, now you can't see my apology.