It's Never Too Late

Tonight is Rosh Hashana. I have been getting and giving New Year’s wishes to friends and family, as I do every year. One person wished that I should have good year like this past one. When I heard this, it made me wince. This year I went through several health scares and a business problem that does not have an end.

It was a very trying year.

Now don’t get me wrong, for most people my bad year would be great for them. I am always cognizant of this, and that thought keeps my wallowing in self-pity to a minimum.

But it was a hard year.

One of my big problems is I feel like I am wasting my time on earth with mundane things and things I don’t want to have to deal with anymore.

The other problem is I am always placing this in the context of my own mortality.

I know I am not that old (58) but I have been thinking about the time I have left for a while. This of course depresses me more.

For example, I think about if  I will  continue to be able to take care of my family financially. As most business owners know, things can change on a dime. I have started at least 4 or 5 companies and have been fortunate that one always picked up when the other dropped off.

This becomes increasingly hard to do. I am not sure I can keep doing it and frankly I don't want to.

I am not the same person who I was 25 years ago and  I don’t have the energy, patience , drive...

I have managed to set aside some investments, but will it be enough?

A building I own, which was supposed to support me in my old age, has a tenant who hasn't paid rent since April of 2020. His lease is over soon but he has informed us he does not want to leave. (why should he) He is counting on the fact that the courts are in total disarray and by the time a judge rules he will have an extra 3-6 months.

Believe me, we have tried almost everything but if it doesn't end soon it will start to get very nasty and I am not the fighter I once was. The whole ordeal is taking its toll on me emotionally and physically.

That is the kind of uncertainty I have always lived with, but I thought, that at this stage of my life, things would have become more stable.

Wishful Thinking

Add a drop of holocaust paranoia (ok a lot of it) and it makes things that much harder

I was complaining to my son in law a few months ago about not really having time for myself and he asked me what I would rather be doing.

He didn’t know I actually have a list

Not in any particular order:

Learn Hebrew, learn more Torah, learn to play chess better, learn to play Go, learn Game Theory and more about Quantum Physics. Learn how to invest in the market, take classes on Coursea,  work on my family tree, help in the fight against BDS.

and of course, have the time to write more blog posts.

I just saw the new documentary on David Bowie called Moonage Daydream. Most of you know I am a big fan and have been most of my life. I even have a big picture of him in my living room (so cool). I guess you do understand a lot about a person listing to their music, but I was never really exposed to his views on life which was what the movie wanted to convey.

What I learned was how he saw every day as a gift not to be wasted. He was always looking to improve his art and he tried to experience the most out of life possible.

Here are a few quotes:

"Tomorrow belongs to those who see it coming"

" The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved"

" as you get older the questions become 2 or 3. How Long? and, what do I do with the time I have left"

Unfortunately, he died at the relatively young age of 69, six years ago. He had cancer and knew he was going to die, and he put that in the music of his last album, Lazarus.

Another quote:

"The worst thing would be to look back and think of all things that one could have done and think why I didn't do that"

For this coming year I am going to try to start off every day and realize what a gift it is. To look more positively at what I have and not focus on what I don’t (like rent coming in). I will try to set more time to do the things I want to do.

Most importantly, I will try to speak less and listen more. I think this will be very helpful in realizing the other things.

Watching that movie and listening to Bowie speaking about life made me realize that deep down I believe in all the same things, I just need to actualize them.

He did so much more in his 69 years than I will ever be able to because he did not want to waste a second of any day. Going Forward, I will try to do the same.

" I don’t know where I am going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring"  - David Bowie

Shana Tova u'mitukah