Many Questions, No Answers
One of the main reasons people give for not making Aliyah is family. They say they can't go because it is too hard to leave family behind. So when you do decide to go you sort of have to pretend that you are above that. That it is not going to effect you. Yes, I know my brother the knee surgeon is having surgery on his knee but it is no big deal that I can't be there in person to make fun of him, I can just do it from afar.
Seriously, you leave parents ,kids ,grand-kids friends etc.. behind. If you think about it too much, you can't get through the day. You have to pretend that it is not a big deal but more than that, you just have to not think about it.
But you can't do that all the time.
What do you do when you find out one of your parents is sick? You can fly right out when needed but your life is somewhere else. You can't keep doing that.
That is the choice you made.
You understand the implications of it. You hope those things won't happen for a long time but no one lives forever.
How about when your son wants to tell you his wife is expecting? You are lucky you are with him close to the time that he finds out but otherwise it would be on the phone. What happens when the kid is born? How often do you go back? You want to know your kids ,kids ( I guess my grandchildren) but it is a 12 hour flight. How many times are you going to do it? How many days will you stay in? You have grandchildren in Israel, your home etc..
How about when you just want to give your daughter a hug?
It sucks sometimes.
It is really hard.
You start to second guess your decisions . Not the choice to make Aliyah. I know that is the right thing. The more I am here the more I feel it. No, I mean the choice to try to make a life without those that you care most about. People that you miss and need in your life.
In truth, this doesn't happen everyday. I am very happy here. I feel truly home for the first time in my life. 99% of the time I realize I am the luckiest person around who gets to live their life long dream.
It's just that 1% really hurts.