The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Pt. 1

I know you are all waiting for my opinion on the formation of the new government, unfortunately you will not be getting that today. Instead, I would like to tell you of my adventure to a far-off land. Yesterday my son and I were to go on a food tour of Bnei Brak. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time, so when the opportunity presented itself, I grabbed it.

The tour was to start at 8:30 pm and we were going to go to several places to try various Ashkenazi delicacies ( if they can be called that). Besides kugels and cholent, we were promised gefilte fish, challah , chicken soup P'tcha ( nasty stuff, look it up) and much more.

I met my son at his place and the evening went sideways quickly. We called for a cab at 7:50 pm only to realize that, because it was Thursday night in Tel Aviv, we had no chance of getting one.

Desperate to get to the herring, my son suggested we take a bus, which ended up to actually be 2 buses. I had not been on a bus in Israel in over 30 years but I figured, what the hell.

We got to the first bus and it was actually waiting for us (how fortuitous). I did not have the special card you need to pay, and the buses no longer take money, so my son paid with his phone and I realized I am way out of touch. This is something my kids have been telling me for a while.

We get to the second bus stop. The bus is scheduled to come in two minutes. My son then informs me that doesn’t necessarily mean two minutes.

It could be more like ten.

It was my lucky night and the bus arrived on time for our twenty minute ride into Bnei Brak. Within five minutes I remembered why I don’t take the bus. I get very nauseous on buses.

I figured I would tough it out for twenty minutes except that the ride lasted closer to forty. We got off the bus a few stops early because I was really not doing well. All I needed was a drink and some food and I would be fine.

Thank g-d we were going on a food tour.

We are looking for the group when my son asks if I would like to see twelve year olds smoking cigarettes. I thought he was joking when I saw a whole group of boys standing at a bus stop and a bunch of them were smoking.

I am not sure they were even twelve. It was very disturbing and a scene we saw over and over all night.

We caught up to the group and the guide was explaining all about why Haredi women wear wigs, the Indian hair controversy (sorry but you can look that up as well), the different styles of wigs etc. It was now after 9 pm and I was really hangry. For those of you who don’t know, hangry, is hungry angry, which most of my family gets ( probably a sugar thing). I don’t get it as bad as others but I really needed to eat something.

We just joined the tour, so I decided not to make any waves. Besides, we would be eating soon.

The next stop was a hat store. Not to worry the guide said he would  only speak 5 minutes to discuss men’s hats.

15 minutes later I was losing it. I needed to eat. I said something snarky to the guide who said now we are going to eat. We got to a food establishment which he entered. In a minute he came out with two plastic bags. He told us each to take one challah roll (which he mentioned at least five times that we didn’t need to wash for ) and some chopped liver from a container, if we like.

I told my son that I was sorry, but I could not stay longer stay, I needed some food.

Now!!

I asked him if he wanted to come along. He had several friends in the group and I really didn’t want to embarrass him. I told him I would completely understand if he wanted to stay. He hesitated for a moment but decided to come with me.

That was VERY fortunate for him.

This was a very long post, so I decided to split it but I will post both parts at the same time> I do not want to cause any anxiety for anyone before Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom