You Can Pick Your Friends, You Can Pick Your Nose But You Can't Pick Your Family
The new American Ambassador to Israel, David Freedman, goes to our shul in Herzliya when he stays at the ambassadors residence, which is not often. I met him on Simchat Torah. He is very friendly and will stay and talk with anyone until the last person waiting for him goes home. This is in stark contrast to the other ambassadors that have gone to our shul, and who really didn't socialize with the common folk.
On the last day of Passover he was in shul and we started to talk. I asked him how his holiday was going and he said great. He then asked me. I said it was OK but for the first time in 28 years, I did not have all my kids with me.
A digression.
When my kids were growing up, I told them that when they get married I am willing to give up every holiday to their in-laws. The only one I wanted is Passover.
Every Passover.
Passover was a special time for us growing up. It was the only holiday where we were all together. It was my fathers favorite. He enjoyed leading the Sedar and having all his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren around him as we celebrated the holiday of freedom.
It was also when the Nazi's took his parents and murdered them with the rest of their town.
I would like to think that there was another aspect to it. I never really thought about it growing up , but my parents were slaves, in every sense of the word, for more than five years of their lives. The Passover story is about how a people without hope is chosen and saved from a harsh slavery by g-d. It is the formative experience that leads to the creation of the Jewish people. It is so important we are commanded to remember it night and day.
When we lived in Manhattan, my wife and I took over the hosting from my parents. Our last Seder in the city we had 43 people. Knowing where we came from and where we were was nothing less than a miracle. I knew it was not going to last but I was looking forward to starting the same tradition with my immediate family.
So back to the ambassador.
Two of my children got married. We had them the first Seder as married couples but the rumbling had already started. Without going into too much detail ( and because they read this) this year I only had two of my children with me ( my new favorites) .
If I am being honest, I was miserable.
I was thinking about my old Seders, my father, the grandparents I never met and the fact that we only had twelve people at our Seder. It was just very depressing. However people told me ' once they get married there is nothing you can do you need to share' .
Besides the fact that wanting one holiday and giving up all the others is more than sharing, at the end of the day you want your kids to be happy even if it makes you forlorn. It comes down to your children having awful fights with their spouses and in-laws or you giving in.
There was a time when I would never give in on anything. I would stand my ground and no one could say anything to change my mind.
I miss that guy sometimes.
Yet I understood that there was little I can do. Everyone has the same issue.
Or so I thought.
I told an abridged version of this story to the Ambassador. He looked at me and said "I Don't Share" . Passover is his holiday and he expects ( and gets) his whole family with him.
My oldest daughter was standing nearby and I called her over. I asked The ambassador to repeat what he had just said. He very happily did. He then added that my daughter should rethink her choices in the future or he would invalidate her passport.
I like this guy.
To be continued